Me vs. The Storm

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Tonight I’m breaking my own rules. For the past week or so I’ve deemed electronics off-limits after 9 pm. Right now I’m supposed to be in bed with the lights turned off but still wearing a sleep mask while listening to a sleep podcast. All in the name of a good night’s sleep to start each morning well-rested and ready to tackle the day. Yet, here I am breaking my own rules.

I have this surge of energy and empowerment that I can’t let go until I get it out in writing. Not even to rest my head. I had a tough end to 2019. I had to dig into a deep place inside my soul and go to depths I didn’t even know I had in my mind and then climb my way back out. The last quarter of 2019 was crappy and difficult. That’s the best way I can describe it. It was days and weeks of feeling unsettled and unsure of myself. I know this tough season isn’t over quite yet. What I do know is that it has made me stronger. This tough season that’s had me in tears and on my knees asking “Why?” has helped me grow in my faith. It has forced me to question who I am and who I want to be.

I didn’t come into 2020 with a plan. In fact, I came into 2020 kicking and screaming. Unsure of what the new year would look like, trying to be strong yet feeling like I was failing. Every. Single. Day.

I did not come into this new decade with a plan. No resolutions or intentions or declaring my word. Those weren’t for me this year. Yet now, in the eye of this storm, I am calm. I will continue to be strong and grow stronger. I came into 2020 with just “being” and knowing that I had to be o.k. with that. I had to pray and rest. I had to create routines to feed my soul. I had to find space for gratitude. I had to be humbled and ask for help in numerous ways.

16 days into this new decade I have finally figured out how I want to embrace life. I’m creating space. I’m not referring to physical space. I’m referring to space for learning, creativity, comfort, joy, and acceptance. I’m stepping out of the “safe zone” and willing to take risks. 2020 get ready….here I come.

Stay tuned to read about my adventures and lessons learned. I’m sure there will be laughter and likely a few tears shed. I intend to be part of a world that shares life and builds communities near and far. My writing is my effort in doing this and if you’re reading this…thank you.

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us – they help us learn and endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation. And this expectation will not disappoint us. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. “

Romans 5:3-5